worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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