I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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