Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
