just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize