I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
