she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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