everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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