I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He did a backflip because drugs
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize