Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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