We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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