Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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