so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
