She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
