if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I fill condoms, not promises.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize