Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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