she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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