Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize