he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
