Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
