Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
