i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
