I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
