I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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