thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
