drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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