peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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