in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
