I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
