Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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