does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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