Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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