So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize