Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Randomize
