I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
