so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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