He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
