Sry I called you an 8
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
