I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
