And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
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