you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
