the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize