So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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