I just saw a hot homeless man
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
