he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I love you. Go after that dick
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
