Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
