just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
