apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
