college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
