on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
