hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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