Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
