I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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