why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
