There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
