Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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