One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
