Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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