I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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