why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
