you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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