I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
