Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
