i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
