I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
