Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just found a bag of teeth...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
