Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
