we're chasing vodka with high fives
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
