I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
