why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
